How do you like THEM apples?

Last weekend I was listening to a favorite NPR quiz show and one of the questions involved a recent poll on the cost to women of getting dumped. First of all, why is someone studying this? It’s not bad enough you got dumped, but now someone is counting the pennies post dumpage? Talk about adding insult to injury! Yes, that knowledge would definitely make me feel OH so much better. I can hear the conversation around the table with my friends now…“Couldn’t you just agree to an open relationship? It would be cheaper.” According to the poll it costs women on average about $850 after dump. How do you like them apples! Wondering where exactly the dough goes? Why to a makeover of course. Naturally the root cause of the dumping is you were made-under, so get that gold card ready, Miss dumpy dump-ee. Pardon me, but WHAT?! (Insert preferred expletive here.) Seriously, we need to crack open the wallet to coif, buff, polish and re-spackle?? And that will make us undumpable the next time? What about HIM? He had nothing to do with it? REALLY??? Does he also go out and get his nose hairs clipped and a mani pedi? Not likely. (Unless the dump-ee is a gay man, in which case I’m told the dump deposit would likely double.)

Ah well, I suppose you’ve earned the fee if you truly believe that being dumped is really all your fault and sprucing up the chassis is going to prevent it from happening again. Yes, I’ve been there too, thinking that if I were somehow more outwardly appealing I’d have been more, well, appealing. There’s no denying appearance counts. Just ask any middle-aged woman who’s sat at a bar next to 25-year-olds with perky parts undisturbed by the effects of gravity. Boys tend to go for the shiny new toy first, (and so do we on occasion.) Yet I truly believe the only reason for anyone to shell out precious pennies for a “makeover” should be to make YOU feel good. Feeling good about you is an instant confidence injection and confidence is attractive to everyone, regardless of outward trims and trappings. Including a guy who probably won’t cost you another 850 bucks. Now how do you like them apples!

Speaking of apples (you knew this was leading somewhere), ‘tis the season. And applesauce is the recipe. Talk about a comforting food, whether post-dump or not. However, this is not your childhood version. In addition to apples and sugar, I’ve added a touch of cognac (ok, maybe a little more than a touch.) You know, for additional ‘comfort’. Great on its own, with potato pancakes, along side roast pork, or my favorite – topping French toast, give this recipe a shot. You’ll definitely like them apples!

Soused Applesauce

Makes about 2 1/2 cups

  • 2 lbs apples – I like a combination of sweet and a little tart (just like me…)
  • ½ TBSP butter
  • 1 tsp lemon juice
  • 1 tsp lemon zest
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/3 cup water
  • ¼ cup cognac or brandy

Peal and core the apples and cut into chunks. Add apples, butter, lemon juice and zest, sugar, salt and water to a pot and bring to a boil. Turn down to a simmer, cover, and cook until the apples are soft, about 15-20 minutes. When the apples are ready, uncover and cook another 5 minutes or so, until most of the liquid has evaporated. Turn off the heat and mash with a potato masher or stick blender, but don’t puree completely. It should be a little chunky.

Add in the cognac and stir. Turn back on the heat to medium-low and cook for another 2-3 minutes. Serve warm, room temperature or chilled. Calories: 200 per ½ cup serving.

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6 thoughts on “How do you like THEM apples?

  1. And, seriously, how on EARTH does one put a price tag on one’s bruised ego?? That cost me far more than all the new clothes, kitchen appliances and crysta/china/linen that I bought after being dumped!

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