The Thanksgiving List

Ah, Thanksgiving. That wonderful start to the holiday season that brings friends and family together in gratitude and affection. And as with most family gatherings, everyone sitting around your bountiful table brings with them a matched set of emotional luggage that, when added to the stresses of the season, amplifies the crazy of your dear ones. It happens to everyone, no matter how ‘well adjusted’ you are. It’s not that you don’t love each other (mostly). It’s just that you know these people way too well and for way too long, so no matter how much you plan to be on your best behavior, crazy comes to the table and pulls up a chair. Someone always says that thing that sets it off, like tossing a match on dry kindling. My family was no different. I’m not saying that we didn’t have fun. We had tons. Yet there were always the things that set you off, and suddenly happy turned to harpy Thanksgiving.

Enter the Thanksgiving list. Invented by my mom for my aunt, it brought laughter to a stressful day. The list was somewhat of an inside joke between hostesses (with a few of the ‘kitchen help’ also in the know), because they were the ones who really needed it. Its purpose? To help us laugh through what happened every year at Thanksgiving, giving the barbs, comments and craziness less sting. It worked beautifully. The list was composed of those annual family foibles that really got under the skin, setting off tears or tantrums like striking a match. Checking items off as they happened and giggling along the way took away their power. For example, one family member hated chestnuts, going on at great length annually about her loathing of the offending little jewels. Unfortunately for her, my grandmother made stuffing with chestnuts, every year. As soon as the blessing was out of our mouths, the question was out of hers; “are there chestnuts in the stuffing?” Oma would respond exactly the same every year. She’d lie. The asker would then take a bite, usually right into a chestnut, and exclaim, usually loudly “but you said there are NO chestnuts in the stuffing!” Ah, tradition… Another item on the list involved my grandmother asking for the one kitchen tool my aunt didn’t have. Auntie would try to anticipate her every time, and almost certainly had the BEST equipped kitchen as a result. But there was always that one thing missing. It was uncanny, as though Oma had a sixth sense for absent utensils. Many other family quirks made the list, and we giggled our way though each checkmark, all of which were hit by the end of the day. I’m sure we would have survived otherwise, but that list made the day a little easier to handle, and a lot more fun in the kitchen.

Thanksgiving has changed a lot since then, and while the crowd around my table is much smaller, I still laugh whenever I remember our list. Because the crazy is what makes a family, a family. And ours was a hell of a lot of fun.

We always had 2 cranberry sauces on our Thanksgiving table. The first was that wonderful ‘log’ of jellied cranberry sauce with the ribs from the can firmly in place. I can still hear the ‘THWOCK’ as the log slid from the can and hit the plate. The second was my grandmother’s homemade version with pears. I loved them both. Here is my updated version of Oma’s pear cranberry sauce, with a little touch of cloves, port and lime to give it a new twist.

Spiced Cranberry and Pear Sauce

Makes 2 cups

  • 2 cups whole cranberries**
  • 2 medium pears, peeled and cut into ½” cubes
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 2 TBSP port
  • 1 tsp grated lime zest
  • 1/8 tsp ground cloves
  • 1 cinnamon stick
  • ¼ cup water
  • pinch of salt

Put all of the ingredients in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Let cool and keep in the refrigerator. The sauce will keep for a couple of weeks so you can easily make ahead. It also makes a very nice gift. Calories: 30 per tablespoon.

** There are 3 cups of cranberries in the typical bag. So if you make my Mini Pumpkin Corn Muffins with Fresh Cranberries too, you’ll use up a full bag!

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8 thoughts on “The Thanksgiving List

  1. Ah yes, I remember it well…..and the Manhattans that preceded the check offs which helped make it so hilarious in the kitchen. I commend you for your diplomatic lack of mention of some of the dicier items on that list. OMG….do you kids have a list like that of us? Only fair, I guess
    Happy Thanksgiving – may the beat go on,

  2. We reserved our family version of the list for Christmas, as this was the day each year when it occurred to my father that he a) was not born into a stable in Jerusalem, b) was neither Mary nor Joseph, and c) was not the Pope. ( he really did think that he was one of the three wise men, however). It would suddenly become hurtfully obvious that the day about to happen was NOT about him, no matter how he tried to make it so. The intricate dances that surrounded the day were our “list” and they kept us sane.

    Oh, and I will be making the relish tomorrow! xox

  3. I still HAVE the list amongst my most cherished possessions. Without it there would have been tears of frustration instead of good fun. I’ll miss it this year now that we go to the
    “children”. I wonder if they have their own list in their heads??? Happy Thanksgiving!

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